Undertone, Angry, Me, What?

Someone recently mentioned to me that the average person feels that the posts on this blog have an ANGRY UNDERTONE. Oh, no, really? Because I thought it was obvious how happy go lucky we are. NOT, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT we are ANGRY! Since we ARE NOT VIOLENT PEOPLE AND DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS RIGHT TO HURT ANYONE PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY, we simply do a lot of barking and it makes us feel better.

What surprised me was that they used the word, “undertone”.  All this time we thought we were making it more obvious than that. We are angry damn it, and we are trying to shout about it as loud as we can without being slanderous. We do not say anything that is not true, we do not state facts which we cannot back up with proof or evidence. We are informing the public, we are educating the public, anything that is an opinion is stated so. This blog is a journal which we allow people to view. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s your choice.

But try to imagine, If someone called the cops while you were pregnant, and said that you had a meth lab in your house and the cops come out and check and say, “Obviously this was a false report.” and have CPS come out and find nothing either. Then that person gets furious that her evil plan failed so she tries ten times harder. She calls CPS over and over and over and over (40 times) while you are in labor, calling the her friends who work in the hospital too,  telling them that my baby “was going to die if you let it go home with them”. So, CPS comes and creates a reason to take your baby from you and you have to watch THEM go home with your newborn baby and you HAVE NOT DONE A THING WRONG! Well, how well would that sit with you?

Maybe for a while you would be angry towards that person specifically, not innocent people who believed that caller and was ensuring the safety of your child.

But wait, then you find out that those “innocent” people preyed upon you and your children simply because they could. These people, whom the public believes really care about kids, falsify documents in order to justify the removal of your children. How do you feel now? Just a little bump in the road? A challenging situation? Ok, sure, so you go out of your way to prove the documents are falsified and you present it to your court appointed attorney. You’re feeling a little exemplified and you’re thinking, “Ok everything is going to be alright, they will see I am innocent, they will go away now.”

But wait, your attorney tells you that it is “irrelevant” because your kids are already placed back into your home but, in order to keep your kids in your home, you are told that you have no choice but to submit to an “Amended Petition” which has stricken all the bullcrap allegations and you only have to give in a little. But you also have to participate in their “programs” and “services”. You think, “Alright, I would do anything for my kids and what the heck, maybe I’ll learn something.” Maybe you are left feeling a little irritated but the situation is somewhat tolerable.

Then they switch social workers and that person comes to your home and talks to you. This worker brings up EVERYTHING in the original Petition that was stricken. So, you’re like, “No, I proved that wrong, we are not guilty of that.” So that worker writes that down in her notes and talks to her supervisor and then calls you later and demands that you drug test immediately even though you are in drug program and testing negative all the time. A few days later the worker calls you and tells you that your test was “diluted” and that her supervisor considers that a “dirty” test and that you are in “denial” because you had mentioned that the allegations in the petition were false and that puts your children “at risk”.

 This “diluted” test forces you to continue in your drug class for an extra 8 months and continue going to “group” 3 times a week. Your counselor was nice to you at first but after a talk with the social worker, she becomes your worst enemy. She demonstrates an obvious dislike towards you and your requests to change to a different counselor are denied. You try to be as genuine as possible even though you have to try to act like you have a “problem” which you are “recovering” from or else they will drop you out of “treatment” or tell your social worker that you continue to be in “denial”. [Later, you find out that it just so happens that she personally knows the PERSON WHO MADE THE FALSE ALLEGATIONS TO THE HOTLINE]. This counselor often encourages the entire group to berate you one at a time, your only friends are the ones you give rides to. How it going? Feeling OK? Just wait, there’s more.

The next time you go to court everyone treats you like some kind of fuck up but you’re saying, “No, it wasn’t a dirty test, how can they do that?” and the Judge gives you a lecture and tells you to “keep your mouth shut”.

[A few years later, when you receive a copy of the transcript, you notice the date that the Court said you tested “positive” for is not the date of the alleged “diluted” test so you go through the Court’s copy of the report and find a drug test that was not attached to the original report that was given to you at the time. Now, how do you feel? Oooh, I bet you’re getting ticked off now!]

So, finally, after a year, the worker tells you she’s closing the case, you don’t have to test and you don’t have to go to court. Suddenly, 3 weeks later she’s calling and demanding that you drug test immediately. But you’re out of state helping a friend. Now you are forced to leave your friend, at a time she needs you the most, to go and take a drug test for CPS when you were told that the case was closed? Now is your anger building up or are your ecstatic with joy and happiness? The caller is calling again and she is bound and determined to ruin your life and CPS fakes another hair follicle test document and you are forced to go to an in-patient rehab for 3 months. The counselors at the rehab are nice people and advocate on your behalf but when you get out you are forced to go to another program which is a year long. One thing after another, you have to deal with it gracefully and with a smile. Like having your knuckles smacked back when you were in Catholic school and having to say, “Thank you Sister, may I have another?”  The final straw is when that program submits a glowing report about you to CPS then changes their mind because the caller kept calling and the mother called some co-worker or colleague  CPS made the program director change their reports (and your drug test results). oh, you are looking a little flush, are you alright? i know, maybe this is too much at one time, you should turn on a fan or the a/c.

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There’s more, a lot more, that was done to us which contributes to our undertone. Some say that we have a problem, that we are ignorant, that we are in denial, that we constantly “blame others” for our own failures and behavior and some even say that we are “dangerous”! To them I say, “……….”  well I am not going to publish that. (You know that it must be really really bad for ME not to publish something and I think that maybe now you kinda get it.)

And not only has this been done to YOU and YOUR family, you see others going through the same thing BUT TWICE AS BAD. I THINK THAT CPS AND THEIR COURT COHORTS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE FOR THE FUN OF IT AS WELL AS FOR THEIR PAYCHECK. THEY ARE GETTING SO DRASTIC WITH THEIR ACTIONS, COVER-UPS AND STORIES THEY TELL THE KIDS TO MAKE THEM HATE THEIR PARENTS.

I miss my son so much. I wonder every single day if he even remembers me. I treated my son like he was a precious gift. I took excellent care of him. There is no good reason that I can NEVER SEE HIM EVER AGAIN!. I am 45 years old. By the time he is 18 I will be almost 60 years old. An OLD LADY. He won’t even recognize me. I will not be very pleasing to the eye. I may even be dead. That REALLY gets me. My DAD is 76 years old. Donnelly will definitely never be able to see his POP POP ever again. He won’t be able to hear his stories of when I was little or how my mom and dad met (DONNELLY WAS NAMED AFTER THESE PEOPLE: DON + ELLIE=DONNELLY). I bet Donnelly still remembers my mom even though she has been passed away since 2010, there was something special that made those two connect immediately. Donnelly has an inalienable right to his biological family and he is being denied that by people claiming to love him.

I still cry every single day. My heart hurts constantly. I often feel life is not worth living. Sometimes I hear him. He’s calling me, “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommeeeeee!” It feels like he’s scared and lonely. I am not crazy, many biological parents experience this. The feeling of loss gets worse as time goes by. If people had any idea of how it feels I guarantee you this stealing of children would cease and parents would be allowed to at least see their babies once in a while. Remember people, IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, I MEAN IF YOU ARE NOT JUST FAKING IT BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD TO GO TO CHURCH AND TO SAY CHRISTIAN THINGS, then you know that GOD is judging you and if you don’t know it YOU ARE THE ONE IN DENIAL.